December 31st, 2010

Happy Last Day Of 2010!

I hope that you each had a wonderful Christmas. It's hard to believe that it's already been a week. 

So here we are....facing the end of one year and the beginning of another. I don't know about you but I always feel a bit down on New Year's Eve. It's something to do with the ending of one year I think. And maybe a little apprehension about the start of a new one. I was even considering going to bed before the clock tolls midnight which for me is early. I'm normally up until 2-3AM so this would not be easy. But I considered it today. I think it has something to do with change and you know how I feel about that from my previous post. 

I've been reading so many comments on facebook and twitter and it seems that I'm not the only one that feels this way. As a matter of fact, probably 80% of the comments I've seen are like that. Maybe we're all bummed that the holiday celebrating is almost over and it's back to "normal life."

Or maybe it's that feeling of dread about the new year. Or maybe it's the feeling of being alone tonight while it seems like the whole world is celebrating. Or maybe it's something to do with reviewing our lives over the past year and realizing that things are not how we hoped they would be. Any of the above or even all of the above apply to so many of us. 

Well........IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE!

A NEW YEAR IS STARTING AND IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST ONE YET FOR ALL OF US!

I know that we have all had our struggles over the past year but tonight is an opportunity to turn the calendar page over and open a brand new book for our lives! 

And.... this time, we have a say in writing it.

When you have a minute (or right now) take the time to imagine exactly how YOU would like this new year in your life to look.  DREAM BIG (yes, take the risk)!!!!!!!   Maybe even write it down (this is a good idea and is proven to be valuable in making these dreams happen).

Ask yourself the following questions today (or tonight) and be VERY SPECIFIC. Really think about each of these and imagine.... without holding back anything)

1. what do i want my career to look like over the next year? what would an average day look like for me in my career? what kind of financial success am i looking for or am i looking for that at all? 

2. what do i want my personal thought life to look like this year? how would that impact each day for me?

3. what is the most important goal (a goal is different than a wish) that i would like to accomplish this year? don't be general on this one either. be specific.  

4. are there any relationships that i need to move away from for any reason at all? what steps do i need to take to achieve this?

5. is there anything that i would like to do to change my physical living space? moving, organizing, decorating. how would that change my life day to day?

6.  what would i want my relationships to look like? what is needed to make this happen?

7. if i could have one wish that i knew would be granted this year....what would that wish be? often this question shows you what you REALLY want so you can aim for that. what steps can you take to make this attainable?

Take the time to think about this today before the clock strikes midnight and the new year begins and you'll already be starting 2011 in a better place than you were last year at this time. : )

It's an exciting time to start over! Don't procrastinate......START NOW!

I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION FOR YOU?

WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU COULD START RIGHT NOW THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER IN 2011?

pick only one thing...what's the first thing that pops into your mind?

One important ingredient to having a good life is feeling like you have some amount of control in the way it's going. Often things start to tumble out of happiness at the same speed that things are tumbling out of control in our lives. 

So...if you answered the questions above.....you now have a much clearer picture of what you want for yourself in 2011. What better way than this to start the new year off right?! 

The new year is a time to boldly take the first steps toward your best future and we can start now!

Happy Happy New Life in the New Year to each of US!

Love,

Kim

A Must See Video

Merry Christmas Eve to all of you!

As you know, I've been away from posting due to a very busy schedule between "Yearbook" and holiday shopping etc.  I plan to tell you more about all of that soon. 

But for now.......

I wanted to post a video that I saw on Facebook about a month ago. It is so touching and maybe it will make you think.

If you don't already know...we, the Sleeping At Last family are all very big animal lovers! Every one of us!

We have so many stories of the guys or girls saving various wild animals that we have come across while on our travels or at home. It would not be unlike us to run through a crowded highway to help a lost goose or bunny that has gotten caught in the traffic. This is a passion for all of us. 

For some reason, lately we've been hearing more stories about animal abuse and cruelty. I will NEVER understand how anyone could engage in something like this. And another disturbing part of this is that for every animal that is being abused or hurt....there is at least one person that knows about it and does nothing. To me, those people are an accomplices. There is NO EXCUSE for either. If you know of a situation like this....don't be afraid to get involved. Do something. There are laws in most states against abuse. You might be asking what constitutes abuse. Well, you know in your heart if it is or not. If you're even asking yourself about it....then it most likely is! 

I plan to write more about this at a later date but thought that maybe for this Christmas.....maybe this video will inspire you to help an unwanted animal. Maybe adopt one or maybe donate to a good rescue. There are countless stories of people like us that decided to do the right thing and love an unwanted animal and this has turned out to be a gift for both.  

A few years ago, Chad adopted a yellow lab (Chandler) from a kill shelter. Chandler became the most loved dog to all of us. A few months later, each of us had adopted a puppy (Maile, Wilco and Oskar). Since then we have met so many people in the music business that have adopted from shelters or rescues. Every one of these stories has been the best thing that they felt they had ever done.

If you know of any animals that aren't being treated right....do something about it. Your conscience will be glad that you did and so will the animal. There's a great book called "Oogy"  by Larry Levin that is about just that.

I won't go into the gross details about dog fighting but I will say that it horrified me and I already thought that people (and I use that term grudgingly) that were involved in dog fighting are heartless losers. The story behind this book will enrage you. 

So, take a look at this video and I hope that it will touch you like it did all of us and maybe you'll think about helping in whatever way that you can. Thanks so much for letting me go on and on about this. 

Perfect non Perfection

So, it's December 15th and Christmas is only 10 days away now.  That thought can bring excitement and joy to many of us or in many cases can release a feeling of total terror. Terror at the thought of seeing family members that maybe we don't get along with. Terror of the expenses and how are we going to cover them? 

And terror that we have so much to do and how can we possibly get it all done? 

For me, a few of those thoughts apply. But the one that I wanted to talk about today is the last one. 

Terror that we won't be able to get it all done on time.

When you think about it....it isn't the getting it done part that we get stressed about. The stress is that we will let someone down. It could be ourselves even. We can't bear that thought of letting the people that we love down. 

That's what it is for me every year. 

The funny part is that my family has told me repeatedly that they would like it better if I was having a good Christmas too and not stressing about making it perfect for everyone else.  

Every year I would tell myself that this year would be different and yet, they were all the same. Christmas would come and everyone would have a wonderful time and I would be so thrilled with how it turned out and then like clockwork....within the next few days, I would collapse and get sick. 

Well, that sounds fun doesn't it?

The other day, I was starting to panic at the thought of getting all of the food figured out for Christmas day and all of the places that I'll have to go for picking things up and all in one day etc etc etc...now, I know that in the scope of life, this is no big problem. Certainly there are far more trying things happening in the world.  I always tell myself exactly that too. But the result is the same. STRESSSSSSS

So, I decided to let myself just think....only think mind you.....about how it would feel if we just relaxed and had a fun day without everything being perfect.  The feelings of elation and relief were far more than I had expected.

 It was great!!!!!  I could feel the Christmas joy (that I experience at the beginning of December) returning. 

I felt kind of guilty too.  "I can't do that" I thought. I have to do everything I can to make the perfect Christmas for everyone. So, I'm a little stressed.  It only comes once a year.

 But then the words of my family came back and I dared to really consider it. 

I'm not really making it perfect for everyone after all.  How about me?  Is it the perfect Christmas for even me?  And in the long run, is it the perfect Christmas for my family if I'm stressed out and exhausted?

So, I've decided to take a little care of myself this year and to give myself and my family a wonderful "not perfect" Christmas!  

I'm going to allow myself (this is a hard one since I'm a perfectionist) the gift of not being perfect. I'm going to allow myself to absorb all the fun things that make Christmas so wonderful and try not to be so stressed about the "shoulds" this year. 

Maybe I'll "really" enjoy these days leading up to Christmas day. Maybe I'll breathe and really take it all in and have a great time!!!  So far, I have to say I am! 

 

And when Christmas Day arrives......Maybe we'll watch fun Christmas movies, Maybe we'll munch on all kinds of foods all day instead of having the big dinner. Maybe we'll sleep until noon. Maybe we'll just spend the day doing whatever we feel like. 

Maybe things won't be perfect or maybe, just maybe, this time they really will be!  : )

I don't have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life. It's a trip more wonderful than I could have imagined."

—  Kerry Washington

The Comfort Zone

Well, Happy Monday to you!

I know that we're all getting very busy with the holidays approaching so I will keep today's post short (actually it has turned out not to be after all. Apparently I had more to say than I realized. No surprise there). 

 I hope that you're having some fun with all of the shopping and activities in your world. It's a great time for catching up with old friends too. We have a mix of Christmas fun and lots of work going on over here. 

Usually December is the time that the guys take off and by January we're all looking happily to going back to work for the new year and touring etc.

Well, this year is very different as I mentioned in my previous post. Work will continue through December and  into the new year. 

Although it's very hard to write all the new music every month, it's not something that any of us (so far) regret at all. We're having a great time.  

As a matter of fact.... I was telling Ryan the other day, that normally, we have about 6 months to get absorbed into the 11 songs for an album. But  now, with "Yearbook",  we have about 2-3 weeks for every 3 songs. 

I got into my husbands car the other day and he had "October" playing on the stereo. That's what made me think about it.  I was thinking " Hey, I remember you!"    You see, right now we have the "January " songs zipping around in our heads and "October" was a few EPs ago so, for now, it's a distant memory.  

We work on the current 3 songs until they're ready for release and then it's on to the next three. There's very little time for much more. But that's ok. It's totally worth it!!!

I know that it's easier for me to say because I'm not writing the songs, but I have to say honestly....although there are times that Ryan is stressed with the work....I watch him and he's having a great time and excited about each new song and all of the fun he's having with the guests that are working on the songs too! 

When "Yearbook" is completed, I think there will be loads of great memories and satisfaction that it's complete, but mostly........I think the overriding feeling will be HAPPINESS!!!!  Happiness that this idea that started back in May turned out to be one of the best (and most fun) things that we've ever done. It will have been a lot of stress and work but the gifts and blessings that have come from it are already apparent.

There's a lot to be said about how we feel comfortable and excited once we're actually taking the steps towards our dreams. There's something that just feels right.  Even with the moments of doubt or times of stress.  Even with all of the hard work and believe me there's plenty. But really....would we want it any other way? 

Half the fun of a dream is working to make it a reality! 

And through it all, there's a feeling of comfort and an excitement deep in our souls!  AND (who knew) a feeling of security.  

 We feel that we're right where we should be and that's because......we are. 

The only courage you ever need is to live your heart's desire."

—  Oprah

Imagination and Risk

Happy December! 

I'm sorry for not writing sooner. As expected, the new project by "Sleeping At Last" called "Yearbook" is well underway and keeping us very very very busy! For those of you that aren't familiar with "Sleeping At Last" and the "Yearbook" project, let me tell you a little about it. 

"Sleeping At Last" is a band that I am blessed to manage. Back in mid May we had just come back from a tour and Ryan and I were having lunch at a local pizza place when the idea of "Yearbook" was born.

Ryan came up with the idea and I have to admit, for a minute I thought "are you crazy?" But the excitement of the possibilities took over!  : )

The project plans were formatted over the next week and then presented to Dan. The band has only 2 members and Dan was in the midst of his wedding planning and looked a little dazed at the idea of this but then agreed that it could be cool. So Dan got married and went on his honeymoon and Ryan started to write. 

This project is called "Yearbook" because it will take place over a year.

The band is releasing 3 new songs each month that will be written and recorded for that month. Each month they release a 3 song EP digitally and each has new artwork, a booklet with all of the lyrics and is available via the website sleepingatlast.com or at iTunes as well. The Eps are offered as a single month purchase or you can buy a 1 year subscription that will deliver the EP info to your email each month.

 There are lots of guests performing and many new things for the band to play with. 

When you're making a full length album (and that happens about every 2-3 years)...there is so much expense and weight on the song choices so there is no room left for trying new things that are really different for an artist. The great part of this project is that it offers the opportunity to have fun and experiment. 

Now for those of you that aren't musicians....I can tell you that to write 36 songs (that you would want anyone to hear) is no small task! Hence my thoughts back in May about being crazy. But Ryan was convinced that it could be fun and if you remember back in an earlier post I mentioned that Ryan will work on something again and again until he gets it. This started when he was a little guy. So, I knew that this would be tough but we could do it.

The part that involves me, is all of the business things that have to be taken care of.  Whenever an album is released (or an EP) there is a great deal of work (Other than, of course, the music) that goes into it. There's all of the legal agreements for anyone working on the album (mixing engineers, mastering engineers, artists performing any instruments or vocal parts etc),  paying everyone, promotion for the EP, the artwork has to be chosen and for this project there is a theme throughout all 12 months and a reason that the artwork has significance for that month (which is more complicated than just picking something that we like). There's also all of the work involved online to make this available. Subscription or single EPs to be purchased. Codes supplied. Then there's the registering of each song. And the list goes on and on. 

So this project is like releasing 3 full length albums as far as the number of songs involved but for releases and my job, it's like releasing an album a month. Normally I would have 6 months to a year to get all of this work done but in this case it's finishing one and on to the next. 

The first release "October" released on October 1st of this year followed by "November" and "December." 

We have been blessed to have the same great people working on this project that have worked on our full length albums. Every month, these great guys make room in their very busy schedules to mix and then master all 3 songs. That takes some major coordination with schedules.

As you can imagine, it's very difficult to coordinate schedules when Thanksgiving and Christmas come along. So we knew that November and December would be extra challenging and they have been! 

This project has turned out to be so much fun and been such a blessing already!  It's been loads of tough work and you'll find Ryan in the studio writing from 10AM until 2AM everyday. But...it's all worth it! 

 As I had mentioned back in another post about a month ago, one of the songs was featured on ABCTV "Private Practice" and since I wrote last we have been soooooooo blessed to have another song from "Yearbook" featured on another episode of the same show on December 2nd!  This brings more happiness and elation to all of us than I could describe in words! Beaming is an understatement!!!!!  Without the imagination and without taking the risk, we wouldn't have had the blessings! 

So why am I telling you all of this?

This....like so many new ventures started as an idea in someone's dreams that seemed too difficult to achieve but with hard work, determination and passion... the risk was taken and we're having the time of our lives!!!! 

This can apply to more than just our careers too. It can apply to our relational lives as well. And soooooooo much more. If we take the risk to even dare to think about what we really want.....the door starts to open and we get a glimpse of all that can be. And that's the most fun! 

As it turns out....imagination is the first step on some very solid footing. 

We're quick to close the door for fear of being disappointed or hurt if it isn't achievable and we're full of doubt (usually put there by other people) as to whether or not we can make it happen.

I found this quote and thought it was very appropriate and so true! And look who said it!

So this year, let's give ourselves a Christmas gift. Let's take the risk and believe in our dreams. Just think of all the fun that could be in store for us in 2011!!!

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last you create what you will."

—  George Bernard Shaw

Change

Today I decided to write a little about change.

Change is not one of my favorite things at all! So of
course.....I've had to adjust to lots of changes over the past few
years. Isn't that the way it usually is?! The thing you don't like
is what you get to deal with : )

Something got me thinking about this yesterday actually.

Because we're usually on tour, finishing up the work from a tour and
then prepping for another tour, I don't really have much free time to
do things that are just for fun. I realized this fall that I haven't
been home in the fall since 2002.

So I decided to go to a cooking demonstration by a baker from New York
that was being held at one of the William Sonoma stores near me. I
love those stores by the way. I had a great time. After that I went to
the Macy's store in the mall that I was at.

I'm sure that you have a Macy's near you. When we tour, I've noticed
how many local department stores across the country were bought up by
Macy's. Even in Hawaii this is the case.
For us the store was Marshall Fields. When this happened there was so
much disappointment across the area because Marshall Fields was the
place of so many happy family memories for generations particularly at
Christmas. People were up in arms and wanted to boycott which many did.

As it turns out, most of us don't really like change. Some more loudly
than others.

So, I went to Macy's for a quick lunch. As I sat eating my lunch, I
looked around and noticed how much had changed. Some for the better
and some not. I have to admit that there was a bit of sadness in my
thoughts as I remembered so many happy family holidays that were spent
there when it was Marshall Fields. But it's inevitable.....change
comes.... like it or not.

Our lives change for so many reasons. Sometimes the reasons are not of
our choosing. Sometimes it's change as the result of our taking a risk
and reaching towards something we want.

But all change includes a bit of apprehension. Some more than others.
When change comes without our consent, it can turn our world upside
down. I have experienced this kind of change a few times in my life
and it's been anything but fun.

I believe that sometimes these unwanted changes are given to teach us
something. Or perhaps to warn us about something that needs to change
in our lives. I do not believe that they are with no purpose.
And..... if we can gather all of our strength and move ahead, having
learned the lessons that are there for us......the next kind of change
comes.

The kind where we take the risk and reach for something that we
want ....and that's a new life! A better life free of the problems
that were holding us back.

The tough part is getting strong enough to take the risk. Some days it
feels like an impossible task.

Sometimes we just want to curl back up into our old lives and have
things the way they were before this unwanted change was thrust upon
us. I have succeeded at doing this. I say succeeded loosely because
the truth is, if we are able to curl back up into the "comfort"
zone.....we are just prolonging the time that it will take to get to
our new and better life.

It's a rough and painful ride but a better day is coming and that's a
guarantee. I know that there are times that breathing is all that we
have the strength to do and that's all we need to do.

It won't be long before your strength will become evident, a little at
a time and as I mentioned the other day we need to reach for the new
and good.

Change is the open door that we go through to find the amazing life we
are meant to live. That's why it feels so scary. Because it's so
different than what we've settled with.

So, take those shaky steps forward through that door and once you
cross that threshold........you'll be amazed with all that's been
waiting for you on the other side. Things that we can't even imagine
right now. Wow.....
Let's do it together!

Happy Thanksgiving part #2

Well, tomorrow is the big day and as promised I am posting this
message tonight instead of tomorrow. I know that everyone is busy over
the next couple of days so I won't be writing much.

Tonight, I thought that maybe instead of focusing on the things we're
missing (maybe just for now), maybe today we should focus on the
things that we're grateful for. So I've complied a list and I hope it
will help to get you thinking about the many things that you have to
be grateful for too! : )

My gratitude list:

I'm grateful to God that He showed me time and time again the things
that I needed to know so that I could take the first steps towards the
life He wants for me. I'm sure that I tested His patience when I kept
ignoring what He was showing me because I was hoping for a different
answer. I'm so thankful that He didn't give up on me.

Next, at the top of my gratitude list are Ryan and Cayt. They have
stood by me throughout everything. All of the ups and deep downs. They
have supported me, loved me, encouraged me and been my strength when I
was at the bottom. They have been my life line.

And right behind them are Dan and Therese. They supported me and
encouraged me and never let me forget the truth.

I am soooooooo very thankful for these 4 people! Thank you so much you
guys!
In fact, they're the ones that encouraged me to start this blog.

Our dogs Maile and Wilco (members of our family and loved so much!)

The gift of my job with Sleeping At Last and all of the great people
that I get to meet. The fun times touring and the great places we get
to visit.

Here's a list of general things that are all around us and yet go
unnoticed so often. I'm grateful for.........

The stars and there beauty on a clear winter night

Yesterday (before a crazy storm came through here) I was in my yard
and there were lots of birds all making lots of noise and I looked to
see what the commotion was. I think they were warning each other about
the storm. How cool is that?

Music

Traveling

Water when I turn on the faucet.

Heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer

A roof over our heads

mountains

I can jump in the car and in 5-10 minutes drive to a wide variety of
great places to eat or shop

The moon when it's full on a clear night

The city of Chicago and all that it has to offer from shopping to
culture to great food to sports.

Fresh fruit in the middle of the winter

Snow

Rain

Fall leaves and all of their colors

Walt Disney World

movies

Storms

Fresh laundry

Fresh air

a car that runs

Sprinkles Cupcakes (the new addiction in our house)

Books

Wisdom

The ocean

Homes that have been decorated for Christmas

Christmas Music

There is so much more!

I'm hoping you will take a look at your life today and notice the
little things that you can be thankful for too and make your own list.
If we spend the day thinking about all of the good things, it will
crowd out the bad.
Have a great day and a Very Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,
Kim

Happy Thanksgiving part #1

I know that today is a busy day for most of us and with that in mind,
I'm going to do something a little different. I'm posting this message
now and then tonight, I plan to post my Thanksgiving Day thoughts
because I know that for some of us, there won't be much time to read
before we're off for the days events (whatever that will be)

and... I'm hoping that it will be of some help as you face the day
tomorrow (if you're struggling or not).

For those of you that are alone or hurting, make sure that you set up
some Thanksgiving Day plans TODAY. Maybe you can get together with
someone else that is alone for the day. Or maybe you could head to a
movie and then to dinner at a restaurant (many are open and serving a
full Thanksgiving meal). Or maybe your idea of a good day is to stay
home and watch a bunch of holiday movies and eat junk food all day.
The important thing is to plan (deliberately) to do something. Don't
just ignore the day. You'll feel much better if the day is made up of
the choices you've made. Even if they're choices that you're stuck
with due to circumstances out of your control. Decide how YOU want to
spend the day and have fun with your choices. Remember too that you
are NOT ALONE! You may feel like it but you're not. I assure you!

Let me tell you about one Thanksgiving that I experienced about 5
years ago.

This was the first year that I was faced with my Thanksgiving
changing (whether I liked it or not).

To say I felt lost would be an understatement. Thanksgiving had
always been one of my favorite holidays so it was particularly painful
that this would be the first tradition in my life that had to change.
I also knew that it was very likely that it would need to be
changed.... forever. I felt terrible. I didn't know where to start
and I didn't really want to either.

So the decision was made that we would start the day with some
wonderful Cinnabons (a holiday treat that we've had for years). This
was good because it was part of our normal tradition. The guest list
had changed a bit but it felt familiar.

The next thing we did was to go to a movie (yes a movie on
Thanksgiving)!

We went to the huge AMC theatre near our house and when we arrived in
the parking lot, a wave of sadness came over me. Here I was at a movie
on Thanksgiving Day instead of with the people that I had spent so
many many big family Thanksgivings with before. All of the hurt and
disbelief rushed through my head. I felt like I was in shock and numb
except for the hurt.

I didn't say anything about how I felt while we were in the car that
day so I don't know if anyone knew that I was feeling bad. So we
walked into the theatre and as we were buying our tickets, I mentioned
to the ticket person that I was sorry that they had to work because of
all of us that didn't have a family to go have dinner with. The
theatre was surprisingly crowded too. She and the guy next to her kind
of laughed and said "don't worry, why do you think we're here? We
wanted to work today for the same reason!" Well that sure took me by
surprise. I looked around at the crowd and suddenly I didn't feel as
bad. We were surrounded with other people that were alone or maybe
hurting too but they were smiling and clearly having a great time. I
realized that I was not the only one in this position and that maybe
it was all gonna be ok after all. The movie was great too!

We went out to dinner later that night and shared the restaurant with
loads of families and singles and that made it feel like Thanksgiving.
AND BONUS...the food was great and I didn't have to cook : )

At about 11:30 that night we went to meet some friends at the big
midnight sale at the outlet mall. Crazy fun! And this year there are
quite a few stores open on Thanksgiving day if you want to get a jump
start on your shopping.

I actually remember this particular Thanksgiving more than most and
not just because it was hard but instead because it had turned out to
be really fun! I had a great day and for some reason, it felt more
like the kind of Thanksgiving that I would pick if I had a choice. And
now I did! It felt relaxing and comfortable!

As I had said in an earlier post, I miss the people that I used to
spend Thanksgiving with but I don't miss the way things were and I'm
truly blessed that I get a chance to make my life what I would like it
to be. On that Thanksgiving Day, I would have never believed that I
could feel happy again but I sincerely do and you will too.

So.... customize this Thanksgiving to fit YOU and you might find
yourself actually enjoying the day (not to mention that it could be
the start of your own Thanksgiving traditions)

I'll be back with Thanksgiving part #2 later tonight.

Love,
Kim

Map Your Own Life

Todays post will be a bit shorter. I hope that you had a chance to read yesterdays and have taken the time to sit and think about it. Without knowing what your actual goals and dreams are, you'll feel like you're just floundering in a stormy sea.  I thought it might be a good idea to give us a little more time with this. I know that we're all busy at this time of year so it might be hard to find the time, but I hope you will. Even if it's while you're laying in bed before you fall asleep. Maybe it will have to be a series of 5 minute slots here and there. Whatever works for you. 

With all of the busyness that we feel, somehow still, the voices of uncertainty and sadness and dread still manage to show up. Especially if you're dealing with broken relationships and hurts that involve family. Thanksgiving is only a few days away now and I'm sure (just like me) that it's bringing up some difficult feelings etc.

Yesterday I had a little setback myself. An email arrived from an extended family member that brought up a lot of  wounds and questions. It seemed harmless enough but then, there it was, bubbling to the surface. All of the hurt and anger and unanswered questions about why? I spent a good part of my day going over all of it in my mind again and again. That's how this poison works. 

Well, I decided that I could let myself sit there in the sadness or I could look at my goals and stay focused on them. So I did. It's surprisingly easy if you just try. That's not to say that I have forgotten how I feel. It's just that now, it's not the main things I'm thinking about. It's the side thing and I don't need to let it destroy any more of my day. Whenever I catch myself starting to think about it again, I just smile and refocus my attention on my dreams and goals. They feel so happy and light, it makes my mood change almost immediately. 

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to be thinking about the things that we're thankful for and maybe we can start with this.......an amazing gift.......

God has given us the opportunity to recreate our lives. To follow our dreams and to be truly happy! 

It may take a little work but it's there for the taking and I am so so  thankful for that! 

So today, (if you haven't already) try to take some time to decide what you want for your life.  Then, we'll head off on this road together for the best adventure yet! 

"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive."                                Oprah

For those of you that are struggling, I mentioned earlier that I would be available if you need a listening ear, or a question answered or if you're just having a hard time. I'm including my email address here (in code so I don't get a bunch of spam)

capturingwishes (at symbol) aol (dot com)

Please feel free to contact me.  If you need to talk, I'm really here and it's no bother at all. I would be honored. 

Love,

Kim

Dreams and Goals

Happy Monday!
So, it's finally here. It's Thanksgiving week and I'm sure you're very
busy with some form of preparations. Maybe you're traveling, or having
everyone to your place, or gearing up to spend the holiday with people
that have been a source of deep wounds. Maybe you're trying to come up
with an answer for the yearly questions about your career choices or
your marital or family status. Or maybe you will be alone and you're
bracing yourself for that. No matter what state your life is in, there
is likely to be some kind of preparing going on.

In the music business, ironically, most artists take the day off. We
have been blessed to be home for every Thanksgiving but one since we
started touring. But I do know of one artist that was on the road for
the holiday and they were able to go into their hotel kitchen and make
their own Thanksgiving dinner. They all made different parts and from
what I heard, it turned out very nicely. Sometimes you have to adapt.

The one time we weren't home was because we were in Florida and so
we made a little mini vacation out of it and we went to Walt Disney
World. Dan flew home to be with his girlfriend at the time (now wife)
and for most of the rest of us, our significant other flew down to
spend a couple days with us before we hit the road again for the
remaining days of that tour.

We had a fantastic time!!! WDW was decked out for Christmas and it was
amazing! We even got a great Thanksgiving dinner at our hotel that was
almost as good as home. Then, on Black Friday we were able to enjoy
the Christmas fun at the parks while we were ordering lots of great
deals online from our laptops. I can remember Chad outside at a table
ordering a bunch of new Apple gear (at a fantastic price) for me to
give as gifts to the members of our little group. It was a surprise of
course and his gift was already on it's way. I can still picture it.
Here we were in sunny warm Florida doing great Christmas shopping
without ever setting foot in a mall and when we were done...off we
went to the parks for some fun real snow and Christmas lights at
Hollywood Studios (known as MGM then.) That was unbelievable. You can
go online to see a picture. It makes Clark Griswold's house look like
it was hardly decorated at all. It was one of the best trips I've had
there and if you don't know...all of us in the Sleeping At Last family
are HUGE DISNEY FANS! We go as often as we can and when I'm booking
our tour...I do my best to include a couple of days to stop at the
Disney Parks in whatever side of the country we happen to be. This
trip for Thanksgiving was memorable and I would love to do it again!

So, as we are all preparing for our week of Thanksgiving. I wanted to
touch briefly on the subject of goals.
I have mentioned several times in my blog posts that this blog is
written for the purpose of helping us as we are reaching for a new
life or a goal of some sort.

As you probably know, goals are a great deal more difficult to reach
if you don't really know what they are.
Have you ever really devoted yourself to deciding what your actual
goals are?

For example.....you can say your goal is to have a successful career.
But what does a successful career look like to you? What specifically
would that be?

You can say that you want a happy life but what does a happy life look
like to you?

You can say that you want to change your life but specifically what,
do you want to change?

What would be different in your life if you achieved these goals?

For the goal of a successful career.....what level of success are you
shooting for? Do you want the high powered job with lots of money or
does your version of success mean that you can successfully make a
difference in the world with the charity that you founded or work for?
Do you want to run a large corporation or a small business with a
local impact?

If you're an artist...what level of success do you want? A household
name or true to your art form? Fame or respect?

If you want a happy life....who would be in it and who would not?
Where would you live? What would your days look like? How would you
feel?

If you want to change your life or something in it? What specifically
would that be? How would your life be then?
Would there be a cost (relational or financial) involved?

For any goal to become attainable, we must take the time to sit down
and REALLY think about what we're aiming for. We need to think about
every part of that goal. Every detail and.....we must think about it
honestly. So many times we are afraid to think about and define what
we desire. We may feel ashamed or unworthy. Well, you are most
definitely worthy and you deserve to be happy!
But the thing that I have found most often when discussing goals with
other people is that.....

So many of us have never really defined the specifics of our goals. We
just generalize and hope for things to work out. Then we all feel
hopeless and warn out when we aren't getting anywhere. But, how can we
get anywhere when we don't know where we want to be? We can't just sit
and hope for the best.

We all have dreams. Dreams are goals that we (for some reason) just
don't think are reachable. But dreams illuminate your real goals. They
often show us what we really want and why. Listen to them. They were
given to you for a reason.

Without specific goals, how do you aim for the unknown? More often
than not, the steps that you would take to achieve these goals are
very different depending on what you want.

An example would be, if you are a musician or a band. Do you want the
success of U2 or do you want the success of Wilco? The path to each
one is very different. So with no decision on what you desire, how do
you make sure you're on the right path?

Also, there is some amount of danger in not determining what your goal
is. If you take the steps to become U2 but you really wanted Wilco,
your life will take a turn that would not be right for you. There are
tremendous costs involved in either choice and if you're aiming for
the right goal, you would feel willing and be comfortable with paying
them. If not, they would be terrible to pay. Now, I know that you're
probably thinking...who wouldn't want to have the success of U2? Well,
think about that clearly. What would your life look like daily? Are
you prepared for that? For some the answer would be "YES!" and others
would be "no. You have to decide which answer is right for you.

For those of you that are not musicians....this same advice applies to
you.

Take the time today to ask yourself the simple question "what do I
want for my life, really?" Tell yourself the truth and think about
reaching these goals. Will you be happy? Is this goal clear and does
it line up with who you are and what you want? Give yourself
permission to dream and then decide what YOUR personal goal is.

You might be saying that you just want to survive and how do you even
think about goals like these? Well, surviving is a goal too and maybe
for now, that is goal enough. I know that anything beyond that right
now is just too much for some of us to think about and thats ok.

For you, try to come up with one goal each day. The goal could be to
smile once, or to do something kind for someone today. Or maybe to sit
down and watch a movie that you like or read a book today. Maybe you
could go out and get something to eat that makes you happy. Your goal
until you're stronger is to find one goal a day that is just for you.
A kindness to yourself. You can also think about a bigger goal now
too, it's just that sometimes when you're feeling bad, you don't have
the strength to even think about this kind of a thing and also your
thoughts will probably need a little space for clarity. You wouldn't
want to aim for the wrong goal because you were so burdened with the
pain, you couldn't see what you really wanted clearly. Trust me, when
the bad feelings start to go....(.and I PROMISE YOU THAT THEY
WILL! )...then you can refer back to this and you'll be ready to
define your goals and reach for them.

So for this day, take the time to go and sit somewhere that you can
think clearly about what your goals really are.
This is a gift that you can give yourself. Some find it helpful to
write them down. Others are happy to just know. Whatever way you're
comfortable with is great. Just take the time (it won't take long if
you're honest with yourself) and you'll find that there is a burden
lifted off of you as you begin to take these first steps on the road
to your dreams.
Smile and Have a Great Day!
Love,
Kim

"Pirates of the Caribbean"

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I plan to tell you about lots
of fun tools (movies, books, music, art and more) that I see as
valuable for helping us to reach our goal of a happy life. There's so
much available and it's not only fun, but also very productive.

So, let's get started......

Today I would like to tell you about a movie that helped me a few
years ago and actually still does to this day.

The point that I would like to make, is that sometimes these great
resources don't come with verbally expressed answers to something in
our lives. Many do, but sometimes, it's the feelings that they bring
up (good or bad) that can give us the answers. For this one, feelings
were the lesson and the gift.

A few years ago during a particularly tough time in my life, there was
one set of movies that for some reason helped me to keep breathing. I
couldn't figure it out. Why was this movie so calming to me when I
was having a big round of panic attacks?

The movie was "Pirates of the Caribbean." It could be any of the
three movies (The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Mans Chest, At
World's End) and I loved them all the same. I had it on whenever I was
near a dvd player and a tv.

The guys thought it was Johnny Depp that I liked, but really... it was
Jack Sparrow! Johnny Depp was ok too...... but Jack Sparrow uh
huh...........oh wait...now that I think about it....yep.... Johnny
Depp too. Apparently I prefer the rugged version. Just kidding. They
still tease me about it.

Actually, I couldn't figure it out. I love the stories and they're
filled with lots of fun and humor along with some relationships that
are examples of how relationships should be (ex: Elizabeth and her
father) but I still didn't know. Why did these movies make me breathe
easier?

Then one day, I realized that the thing that I loved about them was
the freedom. The wide open ocean without a care in the
world.......ahhhhh, that sounds woonderrrfullll..........(except of
course, cannon balls flying at your slow moving ship). Maybe it was
a metaphor. Could that be it? No wait, that would make me a
pirate. Oh gosh, I hope I'm not that. Am I being punished? Have I
been acting like a pirate? Oh no......oh wait, if anything, I'M
the one being stolen from, so that can't be it. Phew......so, what
is the answer????

I was talking to Therese one day and we were talking about my panic
attacks and she said "Did it ever occur to you that maybe you have
panic attacks because you feel trapped and smothered and that's why
you can't breathe?"

Wow....how did I miss that?

Hence......."Pirates of the Caribbean" equals freedom to me.

I never thought about it before but that is exactly how I felt. So
why did I feel that way? I love my job with Sleeping At Last so it
wasn't that. I love being a mom so it wasn't that. Ahhhhhhhhh there
it is.....the answer.

My life was carved out by other people and did not resemble what I
wanted much at all.

You see, I was born taking care of everyone else. From a very early
age I can remember always trying to make everyone happy and when my
siblings came along, trying to take care of them too. I rarely did
anything for myself and felt uncomfortable when I did. I was taught to
think of myself as not good enough and undeserving. I became the
classic "pleaser" but I didn't know it. I would do just about anything
to please whomever I was with and I did it without regard for myself
at all and to a dangerous level.

The problem (and there are so many with this) is that unfortunately I
was surrounded with not very good people who knew this and took
advantage of it. They knew I would never say "no" and so the end
result was that my life was molded into something that they wanted and
it didn't matter that I didn't. I loved them so much and tried so hard
to please them that I never noticed that they didn't feel that way
towards me.

When I finally realized this, probably 80% of my life was not what I
would have chosen and I realized that I was just trying to survive in
it.

A series of very difficult and hurtful circumstances occurred that
left me wounded and lost and that's when the panic attacks started to
become strong. This time there was no choice but to face the truth,
but I was in denial and really didn't think I knew what was wrong.

Then came "Pirates of the Caribbean" and God gave me my answer.

As I look back now, I am so grateful to God that I was rattled out
of that cage and given a chance to start my life over. It was tough
and I wouldn't want to do it again but now I'm surrounded with good
people and while I miss the others, I know that my new life has begun
and I'm setting sale out on that beautiful open ocean to carve out the
life that I want and as the real me. Freedom!

Thank you Jack Sparrow and all of characters from "Pirates" (as I call
them)! Who knew that these movies would help to save someone's life?!

And bonus....the next one is due to be released next year. Can't wait!

Love,
Kim

Unexpected Sources of Strength (and they're fun too)

In keeping with the message of hope and a better life for all of us, I
thought today I would write about some resources that I have found
along the way that help with building us up in various fun ways. It's
a little unconventional but very easy to do and I think it helps a lot
to clarify our goals and strengthen us to reach them.

The resources that I'm referring to are movies, tv shows, books,
magazines, websites, music and so much more.
I'm planning to write about many of my favorites. There is something
to be gained from all of them. I'm pretty excited to tell you about
them too.

Today I'm going to start with movies and why I think they're valuable
(as are all of the resources I mentioned.)

If you know any thing about the guys and all of us in the Sleeping At
Last family, you have probably guessed that all of us are big movie
fans! I think it would be safe to say that Netflix and AMC cash in
with all of us.

Each of us has our own individual tastes but we also have lots of
cross overs as well.

For instance, we all LOVE PIXAR movies! If there's a new Pixar
release, the odds are good that we will be in line at the midnight
showing the night it releases. Even if we're on tour we find a way to
get there and see the movie. In fact, Ryan's dream job would be to do
film scoring for them.

As far as our other favorites go, they vary a lot. Dan loves old
movies with Charlie Chaplin and also "Star Wars" and westerns.
Actually, as I'm writing this, it occurred to me that "Star Wars" is
the future world version of westerns. Guess that explains it.

Ryan loves old movies and indie films. He also loves documentaries and
dramas (that are well done).

They all love "Harry Potter" and the guys also love super hero movies
as well (depending on which one).

And, we all love comedies.

Cayt (Ryan's wife) and Therese (Dan's wife) share the same interests
as their husbands (for the most part) however they also like girl
movies (as we call them) just like I do. The guys will go along to see
them but they rarely hide the fact that we're dragging them there.

As for me, I'm a very eclectic movie lover. I love chick flicks,
mysteries, love stories ,dramas, some sci-fi and some old movies too.
For example, I love "Signs" and I also love "The Holiday." I love
"Cloverfield" and yet I love "In Her Shoes." From one side of the
movie spectrum to the other and most things between. The common thread
in all of them is that they mean something to me in one form or
another. Sometimes it's just good entertainment and for others, there
may be messages of hope or answers to questions about what I should do
in a situation that I'm in. Some are a great escape from whatever is
going on in my world at the time. I plan to elaborate a great deal on
all of this in future posts.

Did anyone ever ask you to pick a favorite movie? It's hard to do.
There are sooooooo many great ones. Can you think of a movie that you
really love and one that puts you in a better mood every time you
watch it? Did you ever ask yourself why that is?

In previous posts, I mentioned filling our minds with good things and
movies can fit into that category. When we're struggling with
anything, we long for answers and sometimes an escape. Movies often
provide both. Often we don't have someone (or we would prefer not to
tell anyone) that we can talk about our struggles with.

Personally, I have not had the benefit of that for most of my life.
Many of the people that were in my life made it very clear that they
would not be the ones to go to. I've felt pretty much alone as I
struggled to figure out how to find the life that I wanted. This
pushed me to look for answers elsewhere. So I did. And God gave me
those answers time and time again and sometimes in the most surprising
ways. Movies were and are one of the ways.

I'm so excited to be able to share these great resources with you and
I hope they will bring you as much happiness and wisdom as they have
for me.

I know....some will say "But movies aren't real life. They're just
fantasy or unrealistic. You can't have that for real. People don't act
that way in real life. That's too idealistic. " Well, I think we've
all had enough of "reality" and we don't really need to have more
messages of horrible people, doom and disaster.

I think this world would be a better place if we all thought of these
"idealistic" stories as possible and attainable.

Maybe then, they would be!

The Gift of Anxiety/Panic Attacks

So, here we are in the year 2010 and sadly, the number of people
experiencing Panic Attacks is on the rise to epidemic proportions!
From little kids to the elderly and everyone in between. Female or
male. No one is immune.

This is important because it wasn't long ago (maybe 10 years) that
they were not as common an occurrence as they are today. Today, it's
as common as rain. I can personally think of a number of situations
that have come up with people I either know or know of that have been
experiencing them just over the past month alone.

Probably all or most of us either know someone that has experienced
them or we ourselves have or still do. That's saying a lot if you
think about it. So many times we will hear of someone that was taken
to the hospital or the doctor only to find out (thankfully) that they
were just experiencing an Anxiety attack (Panic Attack) and everyone
breathes a sigh of relief that everything is alright. But the unusual
part is that we also shrug it off like it's no big deal. "A panic
attack? Oh, is that all?!" We act like it's no big deal but it is!

Panic Attacks are our body's way of sending off an alarm that
something is terribly wrong in our individual worlds. It's a smoke
alarm for the smoldering problem that is brewing inside us at that
moment and more than likely has been for quite a while. It's a warning
that we need to do something before the fire really gets going.

So what is happening???? Is our world so much more stressful than it
was 10 years ago?

The answer is YES!!!!!!

For a multitude of reasons. We live in a very stressful time. Fears
about the state of our country, fears about financial issues and job
losses, fears of H1N1 or some other diseases and a host of other
things. It seems that not much is secure these days. I think all of
this contributes to the problem but, I don't think that this is the
real reason.

I think the real epidemic is with our damaged self esteem and the
feeling that we're somehow trapped in a life or situation that we
don't want but don't feel that we can change. It's the feeling of
having no control of our own lives.

This, more often than not, has a lot to do with our past and present
relationships and the damage that we have suffered as a result of them.

Even if you're stressed from a busy life that you can't seem to keep
up with....how much of that is due to a feeling of needing to be
perfect or hearing the voices of criticism in your head from others
and then as a result, they become your own? Pretty soon, all you're
hearing is failure, failure, failure and you feel that you're not good
enough. The anxiety attacks come when this becomes chronic with no
signs of improvement in your own mind. Pretty soon, the criticism wins
and there is a feeling of having failed and having no control of our
lives.

But for many, the damage and loss of control comes from a far deeper
set of circumstances. Many of us have been severely wounded by past
and present relationships. Many with parents, or siblings. Many with
other people that had authority over us. Some with friends and many
with bad dating relationships or marriages.
These wounds go very deep and can often remain hidden in our day to
day lives but inevitably they will show up at some time. Often, Panic
attacks are the first sign. These wounds cause great scars in our self
esteem and can (and usually do) alter our lives immeasurably. We
barely know who we REALLY are.

We walk around in a haze of day to day duties until one day, I
believe, God says....ok, it's time now for a better life. I believe
that Panic attacks are the invitation to clean up all of the lies that
we've been told about ourselves, or face the hurts that have consumed
us, or to look honestly at the people or situations that have damaged
us so deeply and then to ultimately close those doors and move into
the lives we were meant to have.

Did you ever notice that when someone is about to tell you that they
experience panic attacks, they speak in an almost shamed whisper? They
are so embarrassed and think they're the only ones. They feel that it
will expose a weakness in them somehow. This adds insult to injury.
The panic attacks have to be pretty bad for someone to even admit they
have them to anyone else. Usually, after they take the chance and they
tell someone, they're met with "oh, I have those" or "oh, my cousin
has those and I know they're hard." They suddenly realize that they're
not alone! So don't suffer in silence. Tell someone that you trust.

Unfortunately there are some (who are probably the same ones causing
your panic attacks) who will shame you and act like they don't know
what you mean. For those rare few....you probably already knew deep
down that they weren't the ones that are there for you or would help
you....so don't go to them. Talk to someone else. Finding these people
isn't that hard at all because they are all around us. More people
care than you think!

Anxiety attacks are hard to go thru. They're scary too but they DO go
away. I've experienced them and occasionally still do. I have come to
think of them as a trusted friend that warns me when I need to work
through something that's hurting me and that I'm probably avoiding.

So as we face this season that can bring so much anxiety and hurt,
it's a good idea to start working on this now. Thanksgiving is next
week and will be here before you know it and Christmas right behind
that.
If you are suffering with anxiety attacks or just dealing with a lot
of deep hurts this holiday season....know that you are not alone and
in fact you are in the majority.

Don't feel ashamed and instead look at this time as a chance to
finally take back the control of your life!

There are no limits to what you can achieve!

And, on the other side of this deep valley, there is more happiness
and freedom than you can imagine right now. It's there for sure! Do
you really believe that God wants you to continue to feel like this?
Think of how much more you can achieve once you get to the life you
were meant to be living! And it can start now......

I will be including my email address in my blog posts throughout the
coming weeks with the intention of being available to anyone that may
have a question or a hurt or just needs a listening ear. Please feel
free to contact me and of course your privacy will be honored.
Due the unfortunate load of junk mail that I get because of my band
management job, I will need to list my address this way. Hope it makes
sense and i sincerely hope to hear from you if I can help in any way.

capturingwishes (at symbol) aol (dot com)

There are a few things that you can do to begin to take your life back
and to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a very Merry Christmas.
Followed by the start of a great new year!

Let's start by telling ourselves the truth about what's bothering us.
The real truth. If you look deeply inside, the answer is there for
sure. To move forward you need to drain the poison that was put into
you. It really is poison and it is NOT truth. You need to trust and
believe that! You will also need to remind yourself of this often.

Next....start now to plan a new holiday tradition. Maybe you can go to
meet a friend at the movies or have dinner out with a bunch of good
friends. Maybe dinner at your place for everyone that doesn't have a
place to go for the holiday. There are more people hurting than you
realize and they would love to join you. New traditions (that you will
love) begin this way. Plan now.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself. You deserve it!
Start working on your new life now. Once you have faced the truth
about what's hurting you, you can move forward. Not that the hurt will
disappear. It comes up now and then but before you know it, it will
become unimportant in your life.

We can't control what others do or say but we have the beautiful
luxury to build a new life taking into account that we have overcome
some hard situations and now...we get to live our life the way we were
always meant to!

Love,
Kim

"Cake Boss"

I hope you had a great weekend. I am happy to say that I have finally
started Christmas shopping. I didn't get much done but at least I feel
good that I've started. Especially because it seems like everywhere
I've gone lately.....it's been super busy. It seems like everybody
else started a few weeks ago. I love to see the happy shoppers (no,
they really are happy at this point... in about a month....that may
not be the case.)

On friday night I went to see "Cake Boss" at a theatre in the northern
suburbs. When I bought the tickets, I couldn't imagine what the show
would be about but I thought it would be fun. So I got some decent
seats and we went. The show was crazier than any concert that I've
been to and that's saying a lot. Lots of great party music blasted
while the sold out crowd (2000 people) danced and screamed with the
excitement. There were shirts shot into the crowd, decorating
contests for men, women, kids and so much more. It was wild! The crowd
went crazy for the entire show. Loads of couples and families.
Grandparents and lots of kids too. What a great event for everyone!

Buddy Valastro told the story of how his father had bought the
business from the original Carlo when he wanted to retire. Buddy's
father had come over to the United States as an italian immigrant when
he was 13 years old and started to work for Carlo at that age. Carlo's
son wanted to go into the Space industry and didn't want to be a baker
so Carlo sold the bakery to Buddy's father.

I love the show and I love the crazy italian family that works at the
Bakery. If you haven't seen the show, the bakery is called "Carlo's
Bakery" and it's located in New Jersey. The owner and top baker is
Buddy Valastro. He runs things and the rest of his family (sisters,
cousins and brothers-in-law) all work there as well. Being
italian....there are a lot of loud family conversations. And they make
the most amazing cakes. It's so cool to watch them come together.
These cakes aren't regular cakes with roses on them.....these are
cakes that can be made to look like just about anything. They've even
done a full size race car I believe. It's a great show.

But the thing I love most about it is the family. They argue and joke
with each other along with playing pranks on each other. Mom comes in
and yells at everyone now and then to get back to work or whatever is
on her mind at the moment. But they all love each other and you can
feel it. There are many shows about cake making but this one has the
family dynamic that makes it something special.

Buddy spoke about his late father with such pride and told about his
passing that then forced Buddy to take over the bakery for the family
at age 17. He always loved baking and had a passion for cake making at
an early age but wasn't prepared to take over the business at such a
young age. He jumped in against all of the adversity that existed at
the time. How would the other employees handle working for a 17 year
old? How would suppliers handle that as well? How would he know what
to do without having the experience of running a business? There were
even lots of local business owners that told people that the business
was going down and others that said he would ruin it. But he loved it
and he loved his father. So he quit high school and went to work to
help support the family (4 sisters) and to help his father's legacy
continue. And now at 33 years old, he has made the bakery one of the
most famous in the country and they have just built a huge new
facility that will enable them to ship cakes all over the country.
Buddy has made "Carlo's Bakery" a very big success.

So here we have another example of how adversity and doubt enter into
any worthwhile endeavor. Sometimes we are thrown into a situation that
we have to find our way and sometimes we chose the path we're on but,
no matter what.....doubt and difficulty will come to make us "rethink"
the direction we've taken. It can strengthen our persistence to
succeed or it can cripple us with doubt. I think we can all agree that
we wish this didn't happen and that it's difficult enough without it!
But, the one thing I know is that any successful band, business,
artist, business owner, writer etc etc etc that I've ever spoken with
or heard interviewed has spoken not only of the adversity but of the
most difficult part and that is the doubt that crept in because of it.

Doubt is the killer of passion I think.

So often the doubt is delivered as the direct result of people that
tell us we can't or shouldn't follow our dreams. Some have ulterior
motives, some are well meaning but uninformed, some are jealous, and
others just speak without thinking. But all are wrong! Following our
passions is what makes us come alive. It's the reason that we keep
moving forward like salmon swimming upstream. It's not only for the
good of ourselves but it's also for the greater good of the world we
live in. For example....let's look at Buddy and his story. He is doing
something that he loves and he also made it successful so that he and
his wife and kids along with his whole family and many many others can
support their families. BUT beyond that....he has brought families
together to enjoy the tv show and then share their love of baking in
their own homes. He even spoke about other bakers thanking him for
making baking a cool job now. Who knew that all of this would come
from one person's passion.

So you may not realize now, all that will come of your passion but I
can tell you for sure that if you let doubt creep in, it will take
over like a poison and that all of the great things that are ahead for
you and the gifts that you could bring to others....will never be, if
you give up. That's a guarantee!

November 11th, 2010 ABC's "Private Practice"

Yes, I know that today is actually November 10th. So why did I title
this post November 11th, 2010?

Well, there are two big events happening tomorrow and I can't wait
to share them with you!

First......as many of you know, I manage a great band called "Sleeping
At Last"
I am so honored and thrilled to be a part of this band and all that
they're doing!
Well, tomorrow is a big day for them!

Tomorrow, "Sleeping At Last" will have a song on ABC's "Private
Practice"

"Private Practice" is a favorite show for many of us so this is a
particular thrill!
We aren't allowed to tell you what the song is or what the scene will
be but we can say that the song is a new one from the "Yearbook"
project.

We're sooooooo excited about this! We'll be celebrating over here for
sure! : )

Second, I'm a big fan of Chick-fil-a! The nearest Chick-fil-a to us
is about two hours away and so the only time that we get to go to
Chick-fil-a is when we're on tour or on vacation at Walt Disney World.
The guys know that I love it, so they make a point of stopping so I
can get it whenever we're near one when it's time to stop and eat.
This is a sacrifice because they're both vegetarians.

I got a bonus when we started taking Aaron with us as our drummer
because Aaron loves Chick-fil-a more than I do (I didn't think this
was possible but trust me it is!) Aaron loves it so much, he would
buy extra sandwiches to eat later while we were on the road (parish
the thought that we wouldn't be near one when hunger strikes).
When I first met Aaron, he filled me in on the special flavor in a
Chick-fil-a sandwich and I knew this guy would be a great fit for our
travels! And he has been for sure! (At a later date I'll tell you
some of the great touring stories that we've experienced through the
years and there are many.)

Well, tomorrow on this big "Sleeping At Last" day.....Chick-fil-a
opens about 5 minutes from my house!
Can you believe it? No, I will not be going to camp out tonight so
that I can secure one of the free sandwiches for a year passes to the
first 100 people. But I will be there at some point soon after
that! : )

Can you believe it? A song on "Private Practice" AND a new Chick-fil-a
all in one day!!!!!!!

So, it's a big day over here for all of us and I hope you'll get a
chance to watch tomorrow nights (Thursday) episode of "Private
Practice."

You can be sure that over here.....there will be some very grateful
and happy band members and their families!

Love,
Kim

Setbacks

A few nights ago, I went to the Hallmark Holiday Open House to see
what's new for the holidays. I've always loved the holidays and
anything associated with them so, this event usually would kick off
the start of everything merry for me. They have Christmas music
playing and for my husband there are plates of cookies and candies.
I love to look at everything as I begin to formulate the gifts, cards
and wrapping paper that I plan to give for that particular year.
Often, I miss this event while we're on tour. But this year I'm home
and I got to go early. I love Hallmark stores and as a matter of
fact, my brother used to own one and I worked there for a little while.

So, if I love this so much, why did I title this post "Setbacks"

The thing about card stores or card sections in any store is that they
can bring up lots of hurtful feelings about relationships. For some
it's relationships that never were. For others, it's relationships
that are so painful they have damaged our lives. Some are reminded of
relationships lost. Depending on your life situation, it can be a very
happy place or a very sad and difficult place.

The other night I was walking down the individual Christmas card aisle
and enjoying the anticipation of the holidays coming and then all of a
sudden, there it was.....my setback. This aisle was filled with
personal cards for family members, relatives, friends etc....a big
reminder of everything that was lost for me over the past 10 years.
Not through death thankfully, but instead by the realization that
sometimes things are not how they should be or how we wish they were.
Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are damaging and
unhealthy and there is no course of action that can be taken that will
make everything alright. Unfortunately this often leads to separation
from that person/persons. Although it's a very painful process, it is
also necessary and denial only breeds more pain.
I once heard an interview that talked about relationships and the
person said

"When someone shows you who they are.....believe them!". Very wise
words!

I quoted this once to someone that I was close to and was going
through a rough time and she had the opportunity to repeat this back
to me when it was my turn to go through my own rough time.
It's interesting and sad that we want some relationships to work so
badly that we'll deny our own pain just to hold on. ( I plan to write
more about this in the coming days)

We all experience setbacks at some point when we're reaching for
something. We're moving steadily and slowly towards our goals for our
new and changed life and then a setback comes. It could be in your
career. Maybe someone has gotten the promotion that you wanted or
maybe another artist or band got the break that you feel that you
deserved. It may be in your personal life. Maybe you ran into someone
that reminded you of a friend who had betrayed you or maybe you saw a
happy family at a mall that reminded you of the family that you have
longed for but instead, your family has abandoned you. Maybe you
heard the disapproving voices echoing in your head after you had
managed to silence them for so long.

Usually setbacks are something that bring doubt or remind us of hurts,
disappointments or injustices that have been a part of our past.
Setbacks keep us from moving forward and usually take the smile from
our days. We go from feeling hopeful to feeling angry, disappointed,
maybe jealous, sad and even broken again. We find ourselves consumed
with thought on whatever has happened in our past.

The real danger comes when the setback causes you to lose faith in
yourself. It's normal to have the feelings again but when they start
to take root.....we have to rip them out. Immediately! It's tough to
do too because that's also when we feel the most weak and yet we need
the most strength.

Well, today, I'm working on the ripping out part. I left the store
the other night feeling kind of sad and then this morning, woke up
from a sad dream about the same thing. I woke up early because I was
having a bit of a panic attack from it. You know that it's bothering
you when your body is reacting without your permission. It's the
alarm system going off to say...time to pay attention. So I am : )

When the old hurts and disappointments or maybe even anger
appear....take the steps to fill your thoughts with good things that
will fill you up and strengthen you (whatever those things are for
you). Don't keep looking back....only look forward. Listen to music
that is uplifting to you. Watch movies and tv shows that are positive
and make you laugh or smile. Read a good book. Focus on the good
that's all around you.

"The more you focus on words that uplift you, the more you embody the
ideas contained in those words."
-Oprah

If you are dealing with a setback in your career....focus only on
where YOU are going and not everyone else. Think of it as you would a
race.......if you're so busy looking where your opponents are....you
will surely be slowed down and hamper your own race. Once
again...don't keep looking back...only look forward.

I saw a quote by Jane Lynch (a favorite from so many movies) that
makes a different point about this......

"I realized that if I'm obsessing about my own feelings, I'm not
present with the people around me -- and am frankly of no use to
them." --Jane Lynch

(Note: for those people that are still in the early stages of
healing.... processing requires focusing on yourself first and not
everyone else so this will come later in the healing process. don't
worry about it now. )

In closing.....card stores can also be a reminder of all that can be
as we recreate our lives with new and healthy relationships too. So
I'm heading back to Hallmark today and I'll be focused on all of the
good things in my life.

For each of them....I am so grateful!

Boo At The Zoo

About 2 weeks ago, I had the pleasure of visiting Brookfield Zoo in
the Chicago area for their yearly Halloween event called "Boo At The
Zoo." We try to make this event (along with many others) every year
if we're in town for one of the weekends that they offer it. We all
go (Ryan & Cayt, Dan & Therese, and Bruce and I). It's always fun to
see the animals and the cute costumes that people arrive in. No, we
don't dress up. Actually, we are happier watching from the sidelines.

Believe it or not...most of us aren't comfortable with lots of
attention. Even for our birthdays. We get uncomfortable with the
staff at restaurants singing "Happy Birthday" to us. Seriously! We
even have a family policy that was agreed upon a few years ago. We
have all agreed that when we go out to dinner for a birthday
celebration (one of our traditions)....none of us will let any
restaurant employees know that we are there for a birthday. If there
is a free dessert or dinner involved....we wait until the very last
part of the dinner and then we beg that no one sings. So far, this
has worked. : ) Seriously, as you can see, we reaaallly like to
blend in. Funny when you think about the career that Ryan and Dan
have chosen. : ) But it's true.

We had such a great time at the zoo and discovered that there is a new
exhibit for wolves and bears (grizzly and polar) that we all loved!
Made us feel like we were visiting California Adventure park at
Disneyland in California.

Dan and I love the big grizzly bears and I love the wolves too. This
exhibit is perfect for us! Whenever we're driving through the
northeast on tour, you will find Dan and I quietly searching the
hundreds of miles of forest and mountains, looking for that brown
spot in amongst the trees or in the open meadow that would be a
grizzly bear. We've discussed what we would actually do if we ever
saw one and particularly if it was up close (depending of course on
if we were in a moving vehicle or walking back to the van at a gas
station). We would both love it! None so far so, it was
particularly fun for us to see these 2 big guys pretty close up. I
will say ....as I was looking at them and how sweet and cuddly they
looked, it did occur to me that this would probably not be my
thoughts if I had one of them chasing me or even worse catching me
(the chase would last approximately one second I'm sure). But they
are just amazing and beautiful! A gift!

One of the other exhibits was an underwater viewing of some seals and
fish. Of course there was a pile of little kids with their noses
smashed up against the glass as they watched one particular seal
gliding around gracefully in front of them over and over again and
very close to the glass. One little boy would just giggle and giggle
every time the seal passed by and he had the most contagious giggle.
Sheer joy was it's message every time you'd hear it. The other
little kids were excited too but none as much as this one little boy.
Without knowing it, this little guy made almost everyone smile as
they walked by and heard him. A sweet little gift!

Later that afternoon, one of the big exhibits was under construction
which meant that we had to walk around the construction fences and
into a grassy park area to get to the next area we were headed. As we
were walking, I noticed the sound of the crunch and the rustling of
the leaves as we all walked through them shuffling along and kicking
them up in the air for fun. I don't know about you but I know for
me......I'm so busy all the time, I can't even remember the last time
I walked through the leaves and even paid attention to their sound.
But this day, I did!
Another gift!

So today....as we take this journey to the lives we are meant to
live.....go out and kick up some leaves or go to the zoo. GIve
yourself one of these secret little gifts. Pay attention to the
little things that are around us every day. They can make you smile.
This will be the first of many more smiles to come and one day
without you being aware of it.....you will be smiling more often than
not and then you will know that you really are living a great life!

Pursuing Our Passions

I had the pleasure of attending a book signing by an author that I
didn't know much about this evening. Her name is Beth Hoffman. She
wrote a book called "Saving Cee Cee Honeycutt."

I like to go to signings to hear the authors speak about their books
and I find that it can give you great insight about their books
contents. Some seem overwhelmed with being on a book tour. Some just
seem to be filling their contract requirements for their publishers.
Many enjoy hearing how readers have interpreted their books.

But the best treat of all is an author who has a love for the craft of
writing and is astonished that their love to write has become a
successful book , loved by so many. Tonight was one of those!

She spoke of her life as a child, remembering how she imagined stories
and even wrote some about imaginary people. How she started a very
successful interior design business and how through a series of
amazing and well timed events in her life, her love for writing was
rekindled. Her delight in writing was evident in everything she
said. And this woman has been out on tour for months and yet she was
still smiling and elated to share her story with all of us (and I got
the very clear impression that this would be the case with any
audience anywhere that people gathered to hear her speak).

The part of the story that I wanted to talk about briefly here was
this......
This amazing author went into the interior design business because
other people along the way made her feel that she could not succeed
financially doing what she wanted to do. How many of us can relate to
that? She then worked hard to prove them wrong but ended up in a
field with a different form of creativity. She spent a number of
years working 70+ hours a week until that almost killed her. While
recovering from a very serious illness due to her crazy, driven work
schedule, she came across something that reminded her of her love for
storytelling (which had been long forgotten while pursuing her
career). And then, through a few other well placed incidents, she
found her way back to her passion of writing.

Which brings us to today and this miraculous story.......can you
believe this book (her first book) hit the NY Times Bestseller List
only 12 days after it's release?!!! It's a favorite amongst readers
and filled with wisdom and warmth. The other audience members talked
of how her book meant so much to them and the characters seemed so
real and like good friends. The joy in their faces and words was
apparent.

So why am I writing about this? Because I believe that there is
valuable wisdom to be found here.

First.....Look what amazing things happen when we follow our dreams
and passions : ) These gifts are meant to be used. They are birthed
in us to share with others. Meant to inspire or bring hope. Maybe to
just make someone smile. Maybe to fill a lonely place in someone
else's life. Maybe to make someone laugh. Maybe to be the backdrop at
someone's wedding or birth. Maybe to bring beauty into a dark and
barren place. Maybe to change the world! And all are of so much
value and importance.

Second......Can you imagine how many beautiful, life changing, gifts
have been smothered by well meaning friends and family members and
never shared? How many songs were never written or played or sung? How
many stories were never told or written? How many pieces of art were
never created? How many businesses were never started? And so much
more....
I can't count the number of people that have shared their doubts
with me about their own artistic (or other) endeavors. They're torn
about what to do. Should they continue to pursue their dreams or throw
in the towel and get a regular job? They are feeling so pressured by
others. The burden is written all over their faces.

I believe that you were given these dreams and passions because YOU
are meant to pursue them. That doesn't mean that it's always easy. In
fact it's not usually. But that's what makes it worth the ride. I
always tell people that it's a lot like giving birth...a lot of
difficulty but worth it! And YOU were chosen for this. Isn't that
cool?! Do you know how many people would love to have the gifts that
you possess? Enjoy them! Use them! Share them!

So, learn from this story and pursue those dreams and passions. You'll
be glad that you did! : )
Now, go out and do it!

And one more thing.....Thanks Beth for following your passion so that
we get to enjoy your work and thank you too for being such an
inspiration to all of us!

Love,
Kim

Holiday Hurts

Today is the first day of November, which now, in the year 2010, signals the start of everything Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It's only 2PM and I've already seen a few Christmas commercials.  Todays mail contained a Christmas catalog which is not the first I've received this fall. I even saw a home with their Christmas tree up and lit over the weekend. Yes, the panic set in with the thought of all that I had to do and how upon seeing that... I felt late.  I had to stop and remind myself that it's only October 31st! 

 I happen to love both holidays so I'm OK with this early appearance. Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday as it was about family and thankfulness and it also was the official start of the Christmas season.  

But, for many of us, the holidays are the start of an awful and painful reminder that our lives or our families are not what we hoped they would be.  Mid-December brings the acknowledgement of this with hotlines advertised for those of us that are hurting during this otherwise happy time of year.  The problem is..... now that Halloween is over, people that are hurting are already aware that the dreaded holidays are not very far away. It's in the back of their minds waiting to be dealt with when there is no other choice (the week of Thanksgiving and the week of Christmas). It grows bigger and bigger as the days pass.

 For the most part, those around us are unaware of our thoughts. Occasional jokes may be made about the problems too. Maybe lightening it up, will help to make it hurt less they think.  Or if a person is at the complete end of their ropes, they can call a hotline for help.  So few of us actually have someone to talk to about these hurts. Or the hurts have been so deep, close friends or family are overwhelmed and don't know what to say to help anymore. And then there are so many that never let anyone know that they are struggling. 

Why do we keep our hurts so hidden I wonder? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it a fear of not being believed? Is it that we think no one will care or understand?  It could be all of the above.  So what do we do? 

I believe that there is an answer and now is the time to find it!  It is possible and likely to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas AND to start 2011 on a very good footing as we head into our happy new lives!

So where do we begin? Each blog entry that I intend to write will be a guide on how to get there for all of us. Some will be funny, some not. Many are things that I have personally found success with and many are new ideas that I believe to be helpful and true.  No matter how big or little you think your struggles are, I hope you will find help here. Band related or personal. If it's important to you, it's important to me.  Please feel free to write to me (my email is listed in a way that will hopefully keep spam to a minimum). I would love to hear from you and I do care.  My email address is capturingwishes (at symbol) aol (dot com)

I'm going to start here with the first exercise. 

I believe that the one person that you can depend on is yourself!  The sad part is that most wounded people don't have any confidence in themselves.  So this is where we will begin.  You can't control how other people are but you can control yourself and I think that God wants us to realize this. He will help guide us along if we just listen. 

When your self esteem has been beaten down, no one can build it up but YOU.  I know that you're probably thinking....oh great....I can't....I don't have the strength.....I'm too beaten down and why do I have to do the work? If you really stop and think about it though....your power has been taken from you and this is the way to get it back. It's a step towards the life YOU really want.  If you listen, God will guide you and you are worth it! 

Todays exercise is an easy one although it may be very uncomfortable too and that's OK (good in fact).

Read the quote below and either print it or write it out on a piece of paper or many pieces of paper.   Put this paper where you will see it often.  Maybe on your mirror, taped to the dashboard of your car, taped to your computer screen or even on the front of your cell phone.  Read it often and start to accept it into your thoughts, as truth!  Fight off the voices in your head that are telling you it's not true. THEY ARE LYING!!!   Don't stop until you start to believe it as truth,  because it is!!!!  ALLOW YOURSELF TO ACCEPT IT!   Remind yourself often because the doubts will try to surface until you have overruled them with this truth.  Make this your new view of yourself.

This is where the new you begins!   : )  

      

  (Yes, I am quoting Buddha-a good thought is a good thought!)

Love,

Kim

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

—  Buddha