what's new for the holidays. I've always loved the holidays and
anything associated with them so, this event usually would kick off
the start of everything merry for me. They have Christmas music
playing and for my husband there are plates of cookies and candies.
I love to look at everything as I begin to formulate the gifts, cards
and wrapping paper that I plan to give for that particular year.
Often, I miss this event while we're on tour. But this year I'm home
and I got to go early. I love Hallmark stores and as a matter of
fact, my brother used to own one and I worked there for a little while.
So, if I love this so much, why did I title this post "Setbacks"
The thing about card stores or card sections in any store is that they
can bring up lots of hurtful feelings about relationships. For some
it's relationships that never were. For others, it's relationships
that are so painful they have damaged our lives. Some are reminded of
relationships lost. Depending on your life situation, it can be a very
happy place or a very sad and difficult place.
The other night I was walking down the individual Christmas card aisle
and enjoying the anticipation of the holidays coming and then all of a
sudden, there it was.....my setback. This aisle was filled with
personal cards for family members, relatives, friends etc....a big
reminder of everything that was lost for me over the past 10 years.
Not through death thankfully, but instead by the realization that
sometimes things are not how they should be or how we wish they were.
Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are damaging and
unhealthy and there is no course of action that can be taken that will
make everything alright. Unfortunately this often leads to separation
from that person/persons. Although it's a very painful process, it is
also necessary and denial only breeds more pain.
I once heard an interview that talked about relationships and the
person said
"When someone shows you who they are.....believe them!". Very wise
words!
I quoted this once to someone that I was close to and was going
through a rough time and she had the opportunity to repeat this back
to me when it was my turn to go through my own rough time.
It's interesting and sad that we want some relationships to work so
badly that we'll deny our own pain just to hold on. ( I plan to write
more about this in the coming days)
We all experience setbacks at some point when we're reaching for
something. We're moving steadily and slowly towards our goals for our
new and changed life and then a setback comes. It could be in your
career. Maybe someone has gotten the promotion that you wanted or
maybe another artist or band got the break that you feel that you
deserved. It may be in your personal life. Maybe you ran into someone
that reminded you of a friend who had betrayed you or maybe you saw a
happy family at a mall that reminded you of the family that you have
longed for but instead, your family has abandoned you. Maybe you
heard the disapproving voices echoing in your head after you had
managed to silence them for so long.
Usually setbacks are something that bring doubt or remind us of hurts,
disappointments or injustices that have been a part of our past.
Setbacks keep us from moving forward and usually take the smile from
our days. We go from feeling hopeful to feeling angry, disappointed,
maybe jealous, sad and even broken again. We find ourselves consumed
with thought on whatever has happened in our past.
The real danger comes when the setback causes you to lose faith in
yourself. It's normal to have the feelings again but when they start
to take root.....we have to rip them out. Immediately! It's tough to
do too because that's also when we feel the most weak and yet we need
the most strength.
Well, today, I'm working on the ripping out part. I left the store
the other night feeling kind of sad and then this morning, woke up
from a sad dream about the same thing. I woke up early because I was
having a bit of a panic attack from it. You know that it's bothering
you when your body is reacting without your permission. It's the
alarm system going off to say...time to pay attention. So I am : )
When the old hurts and disappointments or maybe even anger
appear....take the steps to fill your thoughts with good things that
will fill you up and strengthen you (whatever those things are for
you). Don't keep looking back....only look forward. Listen to music
that is uplifting to you. Watch movies and tv shows that are positive
and make you laugh or smile. Read a good book. Focus on the good
that's all around you.
"The more you focus on words that uplift you, the more you embody the
ideas contained in those words."
-Oprah
If you are dealing with a setback in your career....focus only on
where YOU are going and not everyone else. Think of it as you would a
race.......if you're so busy looking where your opponents are....you
will surely be slowed down and hamper your own race. Once
again...don't keep looking back...only look forward.
I saw a quote by Jane Lynch (a favorite from so many movies) that
makes a different point about this......
"I realized that if I'm obsessing about my own feelings, I'm not
present with the people around me -- and am frankly of no use to
them." --Jane Lynch
(Note: for those people that are still in the early stages of
healing.... processing requires focusing on yourself first and not
everyone else so this will come later in the healing process. don't
worry about it now. )
In closing.....card stores can also be a reminder of all that can be
as we recreate our lives with new and healthy relationships too. So
I'm heading back to Hallmark today and I'll be focused on all of the
good things in my life.
For each of them....I am so grateful!
I've never been to a Hallmark store, but I usually love picking out cards for friends and family in the greeting card section of the grocery store or Target. There was one time though, that I was bummed out because a family friend up and moved across the country without telling us. A few months later, I was at the store looking at farewell cards for a coworker who was moving away and I found myself fighting tears for never having gotten the chance to say goodbye to my friend. I thought I had gotten over it, but those sweet cards made me realize how badly I was still hurt. There have been other times as well, buying wedding or baby shower cards for friends and family and feeling an ache in my chest from knowing I may never receive such cards. But it's so much better to focus on the positive! At least I have friends and family to give cards to! There are many people in my life whom I love dearly. And more than that, I know that God loves me more than any person ever could. I can always rely on Him to be there for me even when friends up and leave and there are no wedding bells.
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