of fun tools (movies, books, music, art and more) that I see as
valuable for helping us to reach our goal of a happy life. There's so
much available and it's not only fun, but also very productive.
So, let's get started......
Today I would like to tell you about a movie that helped me a few
years ago and actually still does to this day.
The point that I would like to make, is that sometimes these great
resources don't come with verbally expressed answers to something in
our lives. Many do, but sometimes, it's the feelings that they bring
up (good or bad) that can give us the answers. For this one, feelings
were the lesson and the gift.
A few years ago during a particularly tough time in my life, there was
one set of movies that for some reason helped me to keep breathing. I
couldn't figure it out. Why was this movie so calming to me when I
was having a big round of panic attacks?
The movie was "Pirates of the Caribbean." It could be any of the
three movies (The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Mans Chest, At
World's End) and I loved them all the same. I had it on whenever I was
near a dvd player and a tv.
The guys thought it was Johnny Depp that I liked, but really... it was
Jack Sparrow! Johnny Depp was ok too...... but Jack Sparrow uh
huh...........oh wait...now that I think about it....yep.... Johnny
Depp too. Apparently I prefer the rugged version. Just kidding. They
still tease me about it.
Actually, I couldn't figure it out. I love the stories and they're
filled with lots of fun and humor along with some relationships that
are examples of how relationships should be (ex: Elizabeth and her
father) but I still didn't know. Why did these movies make me breathe
easier?
Then one day, I realized that the thing that I loved about them was
the freedom. The wide open ocean without a care in the
world.......ahhhhh, that sounds woonderrrfullll..........(except of
course, cannon balls flying at your slow moving ship). Maybe it was
a metaphor. Could that be it? No wait, that would make me a
pirate. Oh gosh, I hope I'm not that. Am I being punished? Have I
been acting like a pirate? Oh no......oh wait, if anything, I'M
the one being stolen from, so that can't be it. Phew......so, what
is the answer????
I was talking to Therese one day and we were talking about my panic
attacks and she said "Did it ever occur to you that maybe you have
panic attacks because you feel trapped and smothered and that's why
you can't breathe?"
Wow....how did I miss that?
Hence......."Pirates of the Caribbean" equals freedom to me.
I never thought about it before but that is exactly how I felt. So
why did I feel that way? I love my job with Sleeping At Last so it
wasn't that. I love being a mom so it wasn't that. Ahhhhhhhhh there
it is.....the answer.
My life was carved out by other people and did not resemble what I
wanted much at all.
You see, I was born taking care of everyone else. From a very early
age I can remember always trying to make everyone happy and when my
siblings came along, trying to take care of them too. I rarely did
anything for myself and felt uncomfortable when I did. I was taught to
think of myself as not good enough and undeserving. I became the
classic "pleaser" but I didn't know it. I would do just about anything
to please whomever I was with and I did it without regard for myself
at all and to a dangerous level.
The problem (and there are so many with this) is that unfortunately I
was surrounded with not very good people who knew this and took
advantage of it. They knew I would never say "no" and so the end
result was that my life was molded into something that they wanted and
it didn't matter that I didn't. I loved them so much and tried so hard
to please them that I never noticed that they didn't feel that way
towards me.
When I finally realized this, probably 80% of my life was not what I
would have chosen and I realized that I was just trying to survive in
it.
A series of very difficult and hurtful circumstances occurred that
left me wounded and lost and that's when the panic attacks started to
become strong. This time there was no choice but to face the truth,
but I was in denial and really didn't think I knew what was wrong.
Then came "Pirates of the Caribbean" and God gave me my answer.
As I look back now, I am so grateful to God that I was rattled out
of that cage and given a chance to start my life over. It was tough
and I wouldn't want to do it again but now I'm surrounded with good
people and while I miss the others, I know that my new life has begun
and I'm setting sale out on that beautiful open ocean to carve out the
life that I want and as the real me. Freedom!
Thank you Jack Sparrow and all of characters from "Pirates" (as I call
them)! Who knew that these movies would help to save someone's life?!
And bonus....the next one is due to be released next year. Can't wait!
Love,
Kim
No comments:
Post a Comment